Tantric Masturbation: The Beginner’s Guide to Mindful Self-Pleasure

We love to moan (and not the good kind) about how our lovers can’t read our bodies like an erotic novel, but half of us haven’t even cracked the spine on our own user manual. We hand over our pleasure like it’s a group project and then throw a tantrum when our partner turns in a C-minus performance. Baby, that’s not a lover problem. That’s a you-problem.

Now, let me introduce you to my favorite kind of me-time: tantric masturbation. It's the kind of slow, sensual exploration, where you light a candle, set the mood, and treat yourself like the main course, not a microwave snack. Tantric masturbation consists of turning inward, reclaiming your power, and realizing that your body is a damn temple, one that deserves reverence, not a rushed two-minute tour.

I’ve had sessions where I didn’t even try to climax, just touched, breathed, and listened to what my body actually wanted. And guess what? That awareness changed everything in the bedroom. My partners didn’t magically get better, I did.

So, before you throw your partner under the orgasm bus, ask yourself this: have you ever truly made love to yourself?

What Is Tantric Masturbation?

Tantric masturbation is basically giving yourself the kind of attention you wish a lover would. No rushing, no goal, no performance. Just real, intentional self-touch, slow, sensual, and all about feeling every damn sensation.

You’re not doing it just to get off. You’re doing it to connect–to your body, your breath, your pleasure. It’s self-love with purpose.

Now, the awkward part is that a lot of people feel weird or even guilty about masturbating. Some were raised to believe it’s dirty, shameful, or just plain wrong. I used to feel that way too. I’d sneak off like I was committing a crime, finish fast, and pretend it didn’t happen. Sound familiar?

But there is nothing unnatural about touching your own body. In fact, when you do it with intention, it becomes healing. Grounding. Empowering. You start to learn what really feels good, not what porn says should feel good, not what your last partner assumed worked, what your body actually loves.

That kind of awareness? Game-changer. In solo play and with partners.

Benefits of Tantric Masturbation

Tantric masturbation or self-pleasure is a radical practice that rewires how you experience pleasure, intimacy, and even creativity.

Here’s what unfolds when you commit to it:

• Your sex drive starts to build naturally over time, without forcing anything. Desire becomes something you grow with, not something you chase.
• You stop fixating on the finish line and start savoring every sensation. Pleasure becomes richer when you're fully present with it.
• Penis owners often find they last longer with partners. Not by distracting themselves but by actually feeling more, not less.
• Vagina owners tend to unlock deeper levels of sensitivity and pleasure. As you get to know your body on your terms, everything intensifies.
• Your creativity expands. That turned-on energy doesn’t just stay in the bedroom, it spills into how you think, move, speak, and create.

Practicing tantric masturbation regularly expands your capacity to feel. It teaches your body to respond more fully to touch, sensation, and connection. You’re not just learning how to touch yourself, you’re learning how to tune in to yourself. And once you do, everything changes.

How to Do Tantric Masturbation in 7 Easy Steps

I’m about to walk you through tantric masturbation in seven unapologetically sensual steps. No fluff, no shame, and definitely no skipping foreplay (with yourself).

1. Set the damn vibe 

Start by claiming your space like the self-loving deity you are. Shut the door. Burn incense or sage if that’s your thing. Light a few candles. Dim those lights. This isn’t a rush job. You’re setting the scene for sacred seduction.

Worried about noise? Close the window. Moan, growl, giggle, your pleasure soundtrack isn’t up for negotiation.

If you’re planning to use toys, clean 'em. Don’t bring dirty vibes into your ritual.

Cue up some music that makes you feel like a velvet panther in slow motion. Now we’re getting somewhere.

2. Choose your timing like it matters, because it does 

Morning, night, once a week, daily devotion–it doesn’t matter when, as long as you show up for you. The more consistent you are, the more your body opens up, the deeper your connection gets.

The world is full of distractions. This is your time to drop out of the chaos and drop into your body.

3. Open the ritual with movement and intention 

Before you dive into touch, let your body move. Dance slowly. Roll your hips. Let the music pull your body into flow to wake up your sensual self.

While you move, set an intention, Something juicy like:

• I want to connect with my body.
• I want to explore a fantasy I’ve been curious about.
• I’m transmuting this sexual energy into confidence, success, or a damn good day.

Let your breath guide the energy through your body. No holding back.

Then slow it down. Grab your favorite oil (coconut is a classic), and give yourself a full-body massage. Yes, all of it. Tummy, breasts or chest, shoulders, neck, scalp, feet, thighs, booty; don’t skip the parts you usually rush past.

Feathers, nails, fingertips, try different textures. Touch yourself the way you wish someone else would.

4. Now we play: stimulate your genitals, your way 

Forget the usual routine. Touch yourself like you’re being worshipped. Tune into your body and stay curious.

Here are a few ways to level up the experience:

• Sound: Let those sounds rise. Whether you’re moaning, sighing, crying, or laughing, let it out. Sound moves energy. Don’t mute your magic.
• Movement: Keep your body moving. Pleasure flows better when your hips and spine aren’t frozen like a statue.
• Breath: Don’t hold it in. Deep belly breathing turns up your sensitivity. Each inhale sends more oxygen, and blood, to your most delicious parts.
• Mirror play: Watch yourself. Touch yourself while looking in the mirror and see what comes up. Insecurity? Desire? Awe? Let it all in. Let it all out.
• Shower magic: Water play hits differently. Use the showerhead to tease and explore. Or soak in a warm bath, slide into the sensations, and let the water be your lover.

5. For men & penis owners, retrain your pleasure response 

Most guys are conditioned to climax fast. Tantric masturbation helps you reprogram.

Here’s how: imagine a scale from 1 to 100, where 100 is ejaculation. Stay around 60. Don’t push yourself near the point of no return (that 80% danger zone). Ride the waves without tipping over the edge.

Over time, what used to feel like 100 will start to feel like 60. The more you play here, the more your body learns how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Yes, those are not the same thing.

Spoiler: you’ll probably fail at this a few times. Good. That’s how your body learns. Fall off the edge, breathe, come back again. That’s the work, and the reward.

6. Give yourself permission to feel everything 

Emotions might rise. Tears might fall. Rage might shake loose. Tantric masturbation opens the door to whatever your body’s holding and it all gets to exist.

Scream into a pillow. Cry if you need to. Laugh uncontrollably. There are no rules here. Just you showing up fully for yourself.

7. Close your ritual with care 

Once you’re complete, don’t just roll over and scroll. Take a moment. Breathe. Journal. Thank yourself for showing up. Wrap your body in a robe or blanket like the radiant soul-being you are.

This is integration. This is you, glowing from the inside out, not because you hit a goal, but because you actually felt yourself.

Tantric Masturbation for Women & Vagina Owners

If you’ve got a vulva, you’ve got a powerhouse of pleasure at your fingertips. Literally. But here’s the kicker: most of us were never taught how to explore it. So let me remind you of what you’re working with, because your anatomy deserves more than a passing glance.

We’re not calling it “down there” anymore. We’re calling it home.

1. Meet Your Pleasure Map 

Let's master your anatomy first.

• Vulva: The whole glorious garden. This is the outer part, not to be confused with the vagina, which is just one internal player.
• Clitoral Hood: A delicate fold of skin that protects the clit like a velvet cloak. Lift it gently. Underneath lies the most sensitive bundle of nerves your body owns.
• Clitoris: Over 8,000 nerve endings, babe. And that’s just the tip. Internally, the clit wraps around your vaginal canal like a pleasure octopus.
• Labia Majora & Minora: Your luscious lips. Fleshy, sensitive, and begging for attention.
• Urethra: Where you pee. Not part of the sexy circuit, but hey, good to know.
• Vagina: The internal canal, flexible, responsive, and endlessly powerful.
• G-Spot, A-Spot & Cervix: Deeper erogenous zones. Each one carries different sensations. And yes, they all deserve a little curiosity.

2. Touch Techniques That’ll Change Your Life: 

Now, let's understand the right touch.

Clitoral Stimulation:

• Glide your fingers up and down over the hood like you’re teasing a secret.
• Draw tiny circles around the clit. No rush, just rhythm.
• Tap gently. Build speed as your arousal rises. Think flirtation, not fireworks.

G-Spot Play:

• Slide two fingers inside and curl them in a “come here” motion.
• Stroke side to side or add firm pressure. Think exploration, not extraction.

Try different angles. Try different moods. Try touching yourself like you’re writing poetry with your fingertips.

3. Dildos = Sacred Tools 

You want to level up your ritual? Bring in the toys, but don’t just grab any old toy off the internet. Reach for Valm dildos. These dildos are handmade with serious intention, like they were forged in a sex-positive temple by artists who understand that pleasure is holy.

They are anatomically thoughtful and crafted, not mass-produced. We’re talking real shape, real texture, real deliciousness. These toys know how to be inside a body. Every VALMS piece feels like it was custom-made for your altar and your G-spot. This is slow design for slow, sensual exploration.

4. Sex Magic is Real, Babe 

You ever heard of manifesting with orgasms? Because yes, you can literally pleasure your way into a better life. Sexual energy is the most creative force you’ve got. You’re not just rubbing one out, you’re channeling raw power into intention. Think money, love, career, healing. Picture it. Feel it. Touch yourself like you’ve already got it. I have written a beginner's guide about sexual magic–aka, sexual transmutation for your reference.

5. The Cool-Down Ritual 

Whether you climax or not (and honestly, who cares), take time to close the ritual with care.

Lay back. Breathe. Let silence soak into your skin. Your body just held space for you, now return the favor.

Feel the heat settle. Feel gratitude. Stay soft for a moment before you move on.

No rush. Just reverence.

You Deserve This

Listen, I get it. If you’ve got a partner, it’s tempting to outsource all your sexy time. But there’s something sacred about coming home to yourself. You can absolutely do this with a partner too. Mirror each other. Sync up. Say, “Hey, want to try something new?” Turn solo play into a shared ritual. Or keep it all to yourself. Either way, it’s your body, your pleasure, your power. Now go on, goddess. Light the candles, close the door, and touch yourself like a damn miracle.