After a toe-curling, sheets-drenched, moan-inducing session with your favorite dildo, what’s the first thing you wanna do? Cuddle? Knock out? Grab a snack like the feral little post-orgasmic gremlin you are?
I can tell you one thing that’s probably not on your mind—scrubbing down your dildo like a 1950s housewife furiously polishing silverware.
But here’s the thing: That neglected, lube-slicked, pleasure wand of yours? Yeah, it needs attention now if you want to avoid a future filled with regret, infections, and possibly some awkward conversations with your doctor.
And no, I’m not saying you have to leap out of bed and immediately give your vibrator a full-on spa day before catching your breath. But if you’re tossing it aside and forgetting about it until the next time you’re horny? Honey, we have a problem.
Let’s talk about why you really need to clean your dildo and how to clean it—every single time.
The Nasty Truth About Dirty Dildos
Look, I get it.
We all like to pretend that whatever happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, but science says otherwise. A crusty, lube-caked, possibly hair-adorned dildo isn’t just gross—it’s a breeding ground for bacteria and fungi that are literally out to ruin your life.
Ever had the pleasure of experiencing a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, or a UTI? (If you have, I’m pouring one out for you.)
Well, congratulations—dirty dildos are an express pass to those fresh hells. And if you’re passing that toy back and forth between partners? You might as well send out formal invitations to HPV, chlamydia, and other STIs because they are coming to your party, uninvited and ready to cause chaos.
So yeah, your dildo hygiene isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about not turning your orgasm machine into a biological weapon.
How Often Should You Clean Your Dildo?
Look, I know washing your dildo isn’t the sexiest part of your routine, but unless you enjoy playing Russian roulette with infections, it’s non-negotiable. So, how often should you clean it?
Short answer: Every. Single. Time.
- Before Use? Yes. Even if it’s been sitting in your “special” drawer untouched for a week, it’s still collecting dust, lint, and who-knows-what. A quick rinse with warm water and mild soap ensures you’re not introducing random particles into your body.
- After Use? Absolutely. Your dildo has just been on a journey, and it needs a fresh start before its next adventure. Bodily fluids, lube, and bacteria love to hang around, and unless you’re into surprise infections (spoiler: you’re not), you need to clean it properly.
- Using It Anally? If your dildo has seen both front and backdoor action, it requires next-level cleaning. Bacteria from the rectum can wreak havoc if it’s introduced vaginally. Ideally, have a separate dildo for anal play, but if you must use the same one, clean it thoroughly or slap a condom on it for easy swapping.
- Sharing with a Partner? Unless you’re into communal bacteria (ew), wash your dildo before and after sharing—or, better yet, use a condom on it and swap that out between partners. STIs don’t just spread through body parts—they can hitch a ride on your favorite toy, too.
Bottom line? If you love your dildo (and your body), give it a good scrub every time you use it. It’s not just about cleanliness—it’s about keeping your pleasure worry-free.
So, how to?
Step One: Know What You’re Working With
Not all dildos are created equal, and some are sneakier little germ factories than others. Before you start scrubbing, you need to know what your pleasure buddy is made of.
- Non-Porous Materials: Silicone, glass, stainless steel, pyrex—these are the dildos equivalent of a luxury car. They don’t absorb bacteria and are relatively easy to clean. Some of them (hello, stainless steel and borosilicate glass) can even survive a full-on boiling session for sterilization. Valm's silicone dildos are non-porous and easy to maintain.
- Porous Materials: Jelly, rubber, elastomer, vinyl, Cyberskin—these guys are hella soft and feel amazing, but they also hold onto bacteria like an ex who refuses to take a hint. They require careful washing, and honestly, if you can afford to upgrade to non-porous, do it (especially since some cheap jelly toys still contain phthalates, which are basically the villain of the dildo world).
- Electronic Toys (Your Bougie Besties): Anything with a motor—vibrators, suction toys, fancy pulsators—needs extra caution. Unless it’s explicitly waterproof, do not submerge it unless you want to turn it into an overpriced paperweight. Cover the charging ports, battery compartments, and buttons when cleaning.
Step Two: Get the Right Cleanser
I know what you’re thinking: "If I just blast my dildo with antibacterial soap, I’ll be fine, right?" Wrong.
Some soaps are too harsh and will throw your vaginal pH off balance faster than an ex sliding into your DMs. Avoid scented soaps, antibacterial soaps, and anything with harsh chemicals.
So, what should you use?
The Golden Rule: Keep It Gentle
- Mild, unscented soap + warm water = your best bet. Anything harsh can irritate your body and mess with your natural pH.
- Dedicated dildo cleaners are fine, but they’re not mandatory. Think of them as the fancy skincare products of the dildo world—nice to have, but not a must.
- No alcohol, acetone, or hydrogen peroxide—unless you want to ruin your toy and possibly your vagina. These can degrade materials, especially silicone, and cause microtears that trap bacteria.
Step Three: The Cleaning Process
Alright, here’s how to actually do the damn thing.
For Non-Porous Toys:
- Wash with warm water and mild soap, scrubbing thoroughly.
- If they’re 100% silicone, stainless steel, or glass (not hard plastic), you can boil them for a few minutes to sterilize.
- Some can go in the dishwasher’s top rack (yes, really), but double-check that first unless you want melted regret.
For Porous Toys:
- Wash gently with warm water and a very small amount of mild soap.
- Don’t soak them—too much water can mess with their structure.
- Wipe off any residue thoroughly with a clean, damp cloth.
- Let them air dry before storing because damp, dark places = mold central.
For Electronic Toys:
- Wipe them down with a damp, soapy cloth—but don’t let water get inside.
- Use alcohol wipes or a 10:1 water-to-bleach solution if you want to sanitize, but make sure to rinse thoroughly.
- Air dry, and for the love of all things orgasmic, don’t store them while they’re still damp.
Step Four: Storage Matters
So you finally cleaned your toy—gold star for you! But if you’re just chucking it into a drawer filled with lint, dust, and God-knows-what-else, you’re undoing all that hard work.
Storage tips:
- Use a clean, lint-free bag (some toys come with their own fancy pouches).
- Avoid letting toys touch each other—especially different material types. Silicone toys can have a meltdown (literally) if stored against other silicone products.
- Keep them in a cool, dry place, not the bottom of your gym bag or under your pillow like a naughty little secret.
Common Mistakes People Make When Cleaning Dildos (And Why You Should Stop Doing Them)
Even with the best intentions, a lot of people still make rookie mistakes when it comes to cleaning their dildos. Let’s break them down so you don’t accidentally sabotage your sex life with a hygiene horror story.
1. Forgetting to Dry It Properly
A damp dildo thrown into a drawer or toy bag is basically a mold and bacteria incubator. Even if you’ve washed it like a pro, moisture trapped in small crevices can lead to nasty buildup over time. Always air dry your toy completely before storing it.
2. Using the Wrong Soap (Or Thinking “Soap is Soap”)
- Antibacterial soap: Sounds great in theory, but many contain harsh chemicals that can disrupt vaginal flora and lead to irritation or infections.
- Scented soaps: Your dildo doesn’t need to smell like a field of lavender—artificial fragrances can cause discomfort and allergic reactions.
- Household cleaners: Bleach, hand sanitizers, and disinfecting wipes might seem like a shortcut, but they leave residue that’s NOT body-safe (unless you enjoy chemical burns).
Stick to mild, fragrance-free soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Your genitals will thank you.
3. Thinking "Once a Week is Fine"
If you’re only washing your dildo once a week but using it multiple times, you’re basically introducing old bacteria into your body every time you play. Even if it looks clean, microscopic germs are still hanging out. Wash it after every use, period.
4. Storing It Before It’s Fully Dry
Even if you do everything right, putting a slightly damp toy into a case, drawer, or storage bag can lead to mildew and bacteria growth. If you pull out your dildo and it smells off, that’s a red flag. Wait until it’s completely dry before tucking it away.
Signs That It’s Time to Replace Your Dildo
Not all dildos are built to last forever. Even with perfect care, materials degrade over time, and at some point, you’ll need to say goodbye. Here’s how to know when it’s time to retire your favorite toy.
How Long Do Different Materials Last?
- 100% Silicone, Glass, Stainless Steel: Can last years with proper care.
- Jelly, Rubber, Cyberskin, Elastomer: Up to one year, even with gentle use. These materials break down faster and can harbor bacteria.
- Battery-Operated or Motorized Toys: Depends on the motor quality, but once the mechanics start failing, it’s game over.
Warning Signs That Your Dildo is Past Its Prime
- Cracks or tears in silicone: Bacteria can get trapped in those tiny openings, making it impossible to clean properly.
- Discoloration or weird smells: If your once-pink toy has turned grayish or smells funky even after washing, it’s time to toss it.
- Sticky or tacky texture: Some materials break down over time, and a toy that used to be smooth but now feels sticky is deteriorating.
- Flaking or peeling: If pieces of the material are coming off, do you really want that inside you?
Can You Save a Slightly Damaged Toy?
If it’s non-porous (silicone, glass, steel) and just has surface scratches? Probably safe to keep using.
If it’s porous (jelly, rubber, cyberskin) and has any damage? Toss it. No amount of cleaning can make it safe again.
The Bottom Line
Look, cleaning your dildos isn’t exactly the most glamorous part of your sex life. But it is one of the most important. If you love yourself (and your orgasms), give your pleasure tools the care they deserve.
Trust me, a few extra minutes of cleaning is a whole lot better than dealing with an unexpected yeast infection or explaining to your doctor why you have a mystery rash in places that should only know bliss.
Now, go forth, be filthy—but keep your toys clean.
